I have a collection of  “Anti-Christmas Songs” on my iPod…

They are pretty hilarious and I always hook them out at this time of year… some of them are a little rude, but totally hilarious…

Here are some lyrics of my absolute favourites,… it also helps to sing these words in my head when i’m out at the shops and they play carols…

Sung to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” (by a holy sounding churchy group, with twinkly music):
Lacy things, the wife is missin’
Didn’t ask, her permission
I’m wearin’ her clothes
Her silk pantyhose
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

In the store, there’s a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight
Like handcuffs at night
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

*Listen to it HERE*

Another of my favourite’s is Adam Sandler’s Hannukah Songs…

Put on your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah
Its so much fun-akkah to celebrate hanukkah,

Hanukkah is the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a x-mas tree, heres a list of
People who are jewish, just like you and me:

David lee roth lights the menorrah,
So do james caan, kirk douglas, and the late dinah shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the karnickey deli,
Bowzer from sha-na-na, and arthur fonzerrelli.

Paul newmans half jewish; goldie hawns half too,
Put them together–what a fine lookin’ jew!

You don’t need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
Cause you can spin the dreidl with captain kirk and mr. spock–both jewish!

Put on your yalmulka, it’s time for hanukkah,
The owner of the seattle super sonic-ahs celebrates hanukkah.

O.j. simpson– not a jew!
But guess who is…hall of famer¡ºrod carew–(he converted!)

We got ann landers and her sister dear abby,
Harrison fords a quarter jewish–not too shabby!

Some people think that ebeneezer scrooge is,
Well, he’s not, but guess who is:all three stooges.

So many jews are in show biz–
Tom cruise isn¹t,  but I heard his agent is.

Tell your friend veronica, it’s time you celebrate hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely hanukkah.

So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah¡­¡­. happy hanukka!

Lyrics from here
and listen to it on youtube here


What are your favourite Christmas (or anti christmas!) songs??

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Got this from my (girl) cousin this weekend…

made me giggle at how true MOST – not all – of these are! hehe


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines
enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, “MALE & FEMALE” procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.’

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of
chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.



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I really wanted to tweet this story, but it’s just too long!!

I had a photobook made (of some photos that Jeanette took for our engagement shoot) for my mom… I didn’t tell her we were doing a photoshoot… so it was a complete surprise for her!


<<side note: i REALLY ADORE that B&W upside down faces!! love it!!>>

I gave her the book this morning… she LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!!!! she was on her way out to the hairdresser, so she took the book with her.

She came back and said to me “those photos are so beautiful! But what about the all the backgrounds? Did you actually go to all those places?”

ROFLMAO!!!!

PS Jeanette… my mom says the photos are gorgeous and you are VERY talented and obviously know exactly what you are doing :) thanks a million for the photos!

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